You're Kidding Me
by RorieAngel
Summary: The unfortunate thing about mischievous flock members is sometimes no death glare will stop them. Max is made to participate in her own personal torture, ballet and gymnastics with surprising results. No Book 6. Please read and review! FAX!
1. First Impressions

I looked at myself in the full mirror of my room at Mom's house and pulled a face. I was wearing a leotard, a pretty, sparkly, _girly_ leotard. Why, you ask. Well sometimes having three preppy younger 'siblings' totally suck.

You see the Flock decided after we rescued Mom that what we really wanted more than anything was to chill out on a tropical island. We had it all planned out, well the kids did, me, Iggy and Fang just covered our eyes.

Gazzy wanted a bomb area big enough to house both a laboratory and room for huge explosions. Angel wanted to be in area with an underwater cave and a zoo. Nudge, well, she just wanted a huge room with a shopping mall in her closet. Luckily my mom put her foot down when they started to get into a volcano with helicopter access and told them that not only did no such island exist but that she absolutely insisted that we stayed with her for at least a term.

And get this, she meant a _school term._

I said no, obviously. But somehow I got outvoted. I'm not even really sure how it happened but one second we were flying free in the air and battling Emgeeks and in the next we're sitting in a stuffy classroom and hearing some ugly teacher tell us about the sports program.

Which leads me to my leotard, my stupid sparkly leotard, which I would like nothing more than to set alight (not on my body) and throw at my evil sisters.

The sports program insists that everyone does at least 2 sports, including extracurricular and instead of just letting us sign up for what we wanted to do, they gave us these little pieces of paper asking us to list our hobbies, previous sports experience etc and then gave us a choice of three the most suited for us, _apparently._ This is completely untrue because there is no way that ballet, gymnastics or soccer are the most suited to me. I mean soccer, sure that's cool but _ballet _can you _imagine_ me in a tutu.

The entire Flock cracked up, even Fang and wouldn't stop when they saw my stupid list and even my patented death glare couldn't get them to shut up.

And next comes the bit where the evil little girls come in. Under the cover of darkness (hey, the light was off!) they snuck into my room and took my list. Then they put it in for me. The next day I went frantic looking for it only to find my name proudly listed under BALLET and GYMNASTICS. I repeat _ballet_ and _gymnastics_. Not even soccer.

Now I immediately went to the sports coordinator and told him that there was no freaking way I was going to prance around in a tutu or leap around like an insane maniac doing things that human body was not meant to do. And he said I had to. Even after I gave him my death glare, I must be losing my touch.

Today is my first day of doing gymnastics and they are going to be checking our skill levels.

"Cute." Says a voice behind me.

I yelp and turned around, sure enough, there is Mr tall, dark and silent, leaning on the door.

"It's not cute." I say, "It's evil, I mean come on, there are sparkles on this thing."

He smirks at me and I want to grind my teeth but think better of it. He'll only smirk wider knowing he's riled me up after all.

"Really though Max," he says, and something in his tone makes me look into his eyes. "You look good, _cute._" And get this, he's actually sincere.

"MAX." yells my mom from downstairs. "We need to leave, or you'll be late." As if I care, but I pull on my tracksuit anyway and walk downstairs, Fang following me. Everyone is downstairs; Gazzy is in his soccer gear -yeah _he_ gets soccer- mom is going to drop him off too.

"Have fun Max!" chirps Angel and I glare at her, and _again _it doesn't work, what is _wrong _with me. At this rate I'm going to have to lock myself up in the bathroom for a day and practice.

Grumpily I sit in shotgun, slouching in my seat and scowling, I refuse to speak, after all I am doing this under protest and no one seems even slightly sympathetic! We drop Gazzy off first and then it's my turn. The sign above the entrance reads AllStar Gymnastics, I think Welcome to Hell is a more appropriate title.

The inside of the gym is bright, I walk over to the registration and sign in, then get directions. The person that was going to test us is Miss Joanne Churches. Sighing, I make my way up the stairs and into the main gym. It's insane, there are people everywhere, jumping, swinging, tumbling, balancing and stretching everywhere. The parents are sitting in an area off to the side where they watch their children do things, which, as I've already stated, they should not be able to do. I walk over to where a group of kids from my school are standing around a petite lady in a bright red shirt, looking so happy I can't help but wonder if she comes from another planet.

"And you must be Max." she says, "You're last here, go take your tracksuit off and put it in one of the wooden lockers then come back and we'll start stretching. Ok?"

I nod and shed my tracksuit then sit in the floor behind everyone else. Miss Churches as she tells us to call her goes through a myriad of stretches for all parts of the body. And weirdly I'm flexible, _really _flexible. I can do all three splits, I can touch my toes and then some, bridges with straight legs are easy as and my shoulders push back. Miss Churches is delighted. And it's really scary. Her perky smile grows wider as I stare at her.

"All right, now lets get into the real testing now!"

Great. Really.

Stupid perky smile.


	2. It's All New to Me

Miss Churches tells us we're going to start with floor, and I quickly scramble to the back, after all who'd want to be at the front of the line. Oh sorry, pretty much everyone but me. I can't help feeling totally out of place here, all these girls wear their leotards like they were born in them, and their ponytail is so smooth I can't help but wonder how much hair gel they're using. I should be out battling Emgeeks and stopping global warming, _not _lining up and being told to cartwheel.

It wasn't that difficult actually, cartwheeling I mean, one hand and then the other. Forward rolls, not only is that a very strange name (somersaults people) but I did them while flying, and kicking Eraser and Emgeek butt. Backwards rolls were easy as were split leaps felt awesome, almost like flying and hey, I'm saying this with experience.

I know I'm doing well, Miss Churches keeps smiling her perky smile at me and giving me thumbs up. It's pretty creepy, really.

"Let have a handstand walking competition!" she says, and claps her hands, really she reminds me of Angel on a sugar high. "Everyone line up along the line, when I say go walk to the end of the floor and back if you can. Don't worry if you fall over, we will soon fix that up!"

I line up to a really pretty girl, whose colouring reminds me of Fang. She's tiny, barely reaches my shoulder and smiles at me, normally thank god.

"Hi! I'm Felicia, what's your name?"

I smile back at her uncertainly, I'm never very confident in social situations. "Max."

"Cool, short for anything?" she's still smiling at me; I can't help wondering if I have something on my face. Calm down Max, she's just being nice.

"Maximum." Yeah, so I'm not exactly inviting conversation.

She looks surprised for a moment before saying. "I like that, it's very bold, suits you I think. You can call Lici by the way, my parents named me after my Grandmother."

I laugh and then turn as I hear Miss Churches say, "Ready?"

I glance at Lici and she mouths 'good luck' at me. I smile at her and she smiles back. I can't help but feel as if I've had some kind of major breakthrough. Maybe even made a friend. Since we started school I've pretty much just hung out with the Flock at lunch, I'm not that interested in making friends, I guess since we won't be here that long. Still though, it would be cool to have someone help me get through this torture.

Miss Churches yells "Go!" and I immediately go up into a handstand. After balancing there for a second I cautiously move my hand in front of me. Almost instantly I feel like I'm about to fall over so I take a cursory glance at the other people. Most of them have already fallen down but a few including Lici are making steady progress towards the end of the line. I notice that their bodies aren't really straight their tilted over as if trying to beat their hands to the finish line. This is where my competitive streaks kicks in, I snap out of my reverie and try to emulate what their doing with their bodies. Amazingly, the weight placement works and I start to speed up my movements, trying to get even with everyone else.

Go Max! I rally myself, moving my hands faster, now I'm fast naturally so I soon find myself catching up. I reach the end of the line and try to figure out how to turn around; slowly I start pivoting my weight a bit more as I move my hands until I'm turned around.

Now the race really starts. Lici is right next to me and I can just tell she's more experienced then me, still I'm not about to loose. I push myself faster, trying to ignore her steady presence next to me. We're only feet away from the line when Lici suddenly comes out of her handstand. Yes! I think and quickly cover the last few feet.

"Good job Max!" I hear Miss Churches call as I come out of the handstand. "Max is the winner everyone!"

I look at Lici, but she's smiling at me. Why? If the positions were reversed I would have been upset but there she.

"Good job!" she says, "I got so tired at the end but you were just amazing. How long have you been doing gymnastics?"

"Less than an hour." I tell her dryly and her eyes widen.

"Wow! Do you do something else, ice skating, cheerleading, dance?" she asks.

"Cheerleading?" I scoff, "I am so not the preppy type, I guess I do martial arts but not dancing or ice skating. I've never been ice skating in my life."

"You're a natural anyway! I've been doing gym for years and you still beat me!"

"Why do you like it so much anyway?" I ask her, honestly curious.

"It's really fun and I get a lot out of it. Strength, flexibility, a social life, it keeps me fit and it's really fun to compete." She says all this very earnestly and I find myself almost agreeing with her as she extols the virtues of what I previously believed to be pretty stupid.

"Girls!" Miss Churches is calling us and we hurry over to her. "As I was saying," she glances sternly at us, but just looks amused as she immediately breaks into a perky smile "we're going to do some tumbling later, along with a bit of vault but at the moment we're going to do some bar work.

We follow her as she leads us to the bar section of the gym. There are three sets of uneven bars (Lici told me that), a bar that goes into the foam pit and a single metal bar.

Miss Churches starts off by getting a box and putting it under the uneven bar then getting us all up to do these things called 'castes' which are pretty boring. She then split us into groups and divided the groups up among the bars. Swings on the metal bar, pullovers on the uneven, castes on another one, toeshoots on another and giants on the last bar, which she would be supervising.

Again I could do it all easily and Lici and I kept up casual banter talking about ourselves. Or rather she talked about herself and I told half-truths.

Now I could keep going on about how fabulous I was at beam as well or I can leave that as a given and get onto the more interesting stuff.

"Tumbling time!" cries Miss Churches, by now I'm feeling pretty hyped up so grin at Lici who winks at me. I now know that she's 14 like me, she's been doing gymnastics since she was 9 and ballet since she was 3, she's been doing other types of dance for a while and she adores contemporary. Turns out she's even in my ballet class, though as a student helper since I'm a beginner.

We line up along a long strip of floor with mats at each end and if I wasn't the all-mighty-totally-fearless leader that I am I have to admit I would have been pretty intimidated. The kids who'd been pretty confident with everything before were suddenly wary. Lici on the other hand looked like she was about to explode with excitement.

Ok everyone, do not try this at home but; "First we're going to try a roundoff. It's very simple, use a power start consisting of a jump off two feet to land on one to step into a cartwheel, however use your rotation to land with your feet together and push up off the ground." she beckons Lici to demonstrate and I have to admit it looks pretty cool, even though it's supposed to be the easiest tumbling move ever.

"Now Max, why don't you try?" Miss Churches ah, suggests, to me.

Still it doesn't look that hard and like I said I'm the Oh-so-fearless Max right? So up I come. It feels as cool as it looks, the starts give me the lots of momentum and I can really feel the power as push off my hands and as I land jump up high into the air.

Miss Churches smiles her perky smiles at me and tells me to point my toes. Everyone else goes with varying degrees of success and those who don't pass are sent away to practice. Next comes a handspring, which feels really cool, once I got the idea of pushing from my eyes it was totally easy.

After that it's just me, Lici, a girl called Kelly and another one named Sylvia. They obviously can tumble and are able to easily do back handsprings. Before I know it, time is up and I bid Lici goodbye. I'll see her at school tomorrow.

The ride home is pretty embarrassing, turns out the entire Flock minus Total and Akila came to pick me up and say all my tumbling. Iggy and Gazzy keep ribbing me about how girly I look in the leotard while Angel, Nudge and Ella won't shut up about how pretty I look and how awesome I was. Now I can cope with all that but my mom seems intent on telling the entire how wonderful and talented her daughter is.

The only one who hasn't spoken is Fang and my eyes automatically search for his, he quirks his patented half smile at me and I can just hear him thinking, _cute Max, cute _at me.

I'm almost wishing for Miss Churches perky smile by the time we get home and immediately go up to my room, trying not to think about the fact that I'll have to go down later to get dinner. I flop down on my bed, exhausted and suddenly wishing I'd grabbed a snack before I locked myself in here in self proclaimed exile.

Gymnastics hadn't been so bad; I thought maybe ballet would be okay after all. Who was I kidding ballet was all about pink, tutu and prettiness. I was none of that.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't hear the quiet knock at my door or notice anyone come in until the sit down next to me on the back and put a hand on my hair. It's Fang, of course. He looks down at me with sympathetic eyes and a small smile on his lips.

We stay like that for a while, peaceful in each other's company, nothing awkward in the silence that stretches before us. After a while Fang says, "So what was it like?"

"Tiring." I reply.

"Tiring but good?"

"Yeah. Better than I thought."

"The kids are just teasing you." That's Fang; he always knows what I'm thinking. I smile at him and then grimace.

"I know that, but I can't help but worry that I'm losing them."

"You aren't." he answers immediately and begins to stroke my hair. I sit up and lean against him absorbing his strength. He adjusts and pulls me onto his lap. "I promise you aren't."

I can't help but smile again, Fang is so perfect for me and oh my god just being here with him sends tingles down my spine. Still I need to get this out.

"Fang, it feels like I am." I say seriously "They don't listen to me as much anymore. Angel is getting really difficult and ever since Nudge stayed at Lerner's School I'm always worried. It's not fair of them to ask them to help save the world but we have to. I feel like we aren't doing anything useful here."

"We are Max, we're learning to relax, to keep our guard down."

"But we can't!" I cry suddenly frustrated, sitting up in his arms and staring seriously at him. "I don't think the world will save itself. I haven't heard from my voice in a while but I'm worried that one day when the kids have all settled down it'll pop in, tell us we're in danger and we'll have to leave."

"Maybe it's not coming back, Max."

"Don't be silly, it always comes back." I snap, "Sorry." I mutter.

"Don't worry about it right now Max. Just let yourself relax and be a normal teenager for a bit. Anyway you have bigger problems."

"I do?"

"Yeah, Gazzy and Iggy are planning blackmail material already."

I laugh, because I know that's what Fang wants but I still have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Come on." He gets off the bed and then proceeds to pick me up, bridal style and carry me down the stairs. I struggle in his arms and protest loudly.

"Put e down, Fang! Put me down, or swear I'll."

He leans over and kisses me and suddenly I feel like doing anything but protest.

Authors Note: Yeah I know it was pretty rushed, but it just really didn't want to be written. Please don't kill me about the gymnastics thing, I haven't done gym in two years and my memories are fading a bit, I can't remember what everything is called. Anyway, all fluffy Fax! Please review, do you like? Any suggestions? Constructive criticism welcomed.


	3. A Different World

I wake up with a feeling of dread in my stomach, in fact, I feel like I'm about to vomit and as I sit up I feel dizzy. What's wrong with me? Oh yeah, I have ballet today. I must have been so nervous I made myself sick, well done Max! I mean, not only do only babies make themselves feel sick like that but even babies aren't scared of ballet! Not that I'm scared of course, who would be scared of pink tutus, right? Even if the do like clothing with rabies, you can't catch cooties.

Suddenly I remember the one thing I'd been forgetting; Lici. Hopefully she'd still be as nice today as the day before. God I sounded so, well, sappy and nervous, like those dumb teenagers you hear complaining on their phones about boys.

Regretfully I push the warm covers off me and leave my safe haven happily known as my bed. At breakfast Iggy and Gazzy smirk at me (behind my back of course, they aren't that brave!) while Ella, Angel and Nudge give me wide eyed innocent looks when I glare at them venomously. Fang isn't there yet.

All through breakfast I put up with sly comments and nudging from Iggy and Gazzy.

"Hey Max, looking forward to after school? I'm going to play soccer." Says Gazzy.

"Hey Max, can you pass the girly, I mean curly oatmeal?" say Iggy.

That was it, "No Iggy, you may not have the _curly _oatmeal because one, if oatmeal was curly it probably wouldn't be oatmeal and two, there is no oatmeal on the table, which you should knows as you cooked breakfast!"

"My bad Max, you don't have to be so touchy. Is it your time of month?" he replies innocently.

In reply I stand up from the table, whack him on the back of the head and stomp out of the room. Just before I reach my room a hand grabs my shoulder and pulls me towards him. It's Fang of course. He holds me securely by the waist and I struggle half-heartedly before slumping against him.

"Hey." He murmurs in my ear. "They're just having a bit of fun."

"Yeah, at me!" I reply, "They don't even respect me anymore, they don't listen to me if I ask them to do something and Iggy even-" I cut myself off, I was _so _not saying that in front of Fang.

"Max." He says gently, "they're growing up, and now that your mom is really taking care of them, they don't see you as a leader so much, more like a sister. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Do you see me as your sister?" I ask him sharply.

He raises an eyebrow at me then leans forward and kisses me. When we stop Fang smirks at me, "What do you think?"

At school that day I sat next to Lici in the classes I had with her. It was fun, I had the feeling of companionship that I get with the Flock, but different. Maybe it's because I don't live with her but Lici was easier to be around.

History class, my last period of the day successfully proved to be the only subject I've come close to even liking. Maybe it's because we're learning about wars - something I can actually relate to- but because it was the only period where the teacher doesn't look like something out of a bad horror movie.

As the bell rings I even smile at the teacher briefly, how weird is that! Lici grabs my hand and pulls me with surprising strength out of the classroom.

"Come on Max! Aren't you excited to be going to your first ever ballet class!" she says, way to happily. I give her a look that screams; _are you an idiot! Of course not! _But her smile doesn't eve falter. Damn, but I really need to go practice my death glares in front of the mirror.

We run, or rather Lici drags and I fly along after her, no, not literal flying to the ballet studio. It's only about two blocks from the school but I wish it were a lot more. Immediately after looking at the building my mind is filled with terrible images of me in a tutu and doing a million spins until I vomit or something.

Sadly Lici doesn't see it this way and forces me to get changed into yet another leotard, this time a navy colour. Luckily the weather is warm so at least I'm not freezing but this barely makes me feel better. I mean, come on, I'm here to do ballet. Why would I be happy? Ballet is pink and pretty and graceful. Am I any of these things? Nope. Nada. Zilch. DEFINITELY NOT! I don't do graceful or pink or any other mushy five-year-old-wannabe-princess words.

After getting changed Lici drags me over to the barre along with the rest of the beginners. I feel like an idiot, I'm easily the tallest person there and I stick out like a sore thumb. The teacher enters, and while she doesn't smile perkily I'm still fully prepared to hate her.

"Good afternoon class!" she says. "It's lovely to see so many of you here today." She motions at Lici to stand by her. "This is Felicia and she is a student helper from one of my more advanced classes. She'll stand at the front of the barre the first few lessons to help, and in the centre. However later we'll see how well you can do the exercises by yourselves so I suggest you learn them!"

We line up at the barre in height order which puts me at the back. I'm relieved, until I find that we turn around and do the exercise with the other hand on the barre. Whoever came up with that should totally be pushed down the stairs. It's just cruel.

The plies are weird, I feel stupid, turning out my legs. It's just not practical! Miss Lucille, as I learn the teacher is called, says it's important not to strain your turnout out but it should be as far as we can get it without being uncomfortable. I'm fully prepared to tell her that ballet is uncomfortable and does that mean I don't have to do it, when she smiles at me. The nerve of her. She's actually being nice. How dare she!

Miss Lucille goes on about this posture, what she says doesn't make sense. I mean, I get the whole, keep a straight back thing, but then she starts telling us to keep a free spine, tight abdominals, a flat pelvis –flat mind! Not tucked- and I can't help but wonder what world she comes from.

This is a whole new coordination thing, you have to think about not only the actual exercise, what arms, legs and heads you do but also technique such as posture, turnout, alignment, weight placement. That's not all though, you have to be in time with the music, do the steps with the right dynamics and still look like your having fun.

Whatever planet she's from, the people are obviously completely crazy there.

Lici has no trouble but a few of the other girls look as confused as me. This ballet thing is just so weird! After barre has gone by my muscles are already giving off the tell tale twinges that mean I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

When Miss Lucille says it's time to start centre I think I might just hit her.

A/N: Please review guys! I'll update a LOT sooner if I actually know people are reading it. Seriously- do you like it? I've got a lot more response to Our Own Reality, still not many reviews though. Tell me what you think, even if it's just 'that was ok'. Three words, please!


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